The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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