I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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