I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize