Having a random hookup so left but love u
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I fill condoms, not promises.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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