after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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