You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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