please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize