Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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