my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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