someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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