I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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