First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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