i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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