Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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