And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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