I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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