You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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