if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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