In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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