Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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