so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
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Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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