btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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