you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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