i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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