the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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