hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
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You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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