I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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