Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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