You're my little dorito
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
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His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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