in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This can only be settled by a dance off.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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