Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
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I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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