i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
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Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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