she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
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Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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