You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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