so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
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in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
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He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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