I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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