I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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