we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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