For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize