The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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