my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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