I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize