I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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