Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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