after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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