I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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