I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
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If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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