omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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