That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize