I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
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So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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